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26 June 2009 @ 11:32 pm
"You're not a people person."  
Without a doubt, I am sure that I have shared the story of that phrase and the fifth grader that, quite rightly, pointed that out to me. In an effort to get to know the students I worked with, I would have lunch with them from time to time. The conversations ran the gamut of subjects and tones, and sometimes it ran a bit like a conversation between John Candy's Uncle Buck and Jean Louisa Kelly's Tia, which is to say there wasn't much conversation at all. The first few times I did this, some of the kids were under the impression that they were in trouble--which struck me as very odd.

In any case, one student of mine looked me in the eye and she said, "You're not a people person." Which is really quite an astute observation from someone that hadn't spent more than a few weeks around me. Okay, for one that spends any amount time around me, this probably isn't all that surprising. My public (read: seemingly more affable and social) persona aside though, this emotionally distant person is really the core of who I am. Growing up an only in a single parent household, and having been expected to be self-reliant at a very early age contributed a LOT to me being the person that I am today. From the point that she said this about me, it became apparent that change was in order.

Change like this isn't something that comes easily--at least not for me. In fact, there are times when it doesn't seem worth the effort--which, of course, is totally not the case. I wouldn't trade any of the time I've spent getting to know others over the course of this past year for anything. Now, it definitely made things that much more difficult at the end of the school year. Never in my whole life would I have imagined myself getting attached to others. Clearly, this is bound to happen when you spend that much time with people. It reminded me that it's been much too long that my habit of creating a force bubble around myself--you know, as a self-defense mechanism. Someone from high school recently told me that we'd talked more on Twitter and Facebook in the last few months than in all of our time in middle and high school together. True story. My reticence knows no bounds! Imagine that, though, a use for both Twitter AND Facebook. Huh.

So, I sit and write just a little bit (okay a LOT of bits) of what goes through my head, in case I forget.

Thinking back on it, those thirty to forty minutes every once in a while were absolutely great, and I wish I could have had lunch with those kids that much more often. I'm certainly glad to be more aware of this while my own children are still young.

Odder still is that I put most of this together while Resident Evil: Extinction was on.
Current Location: Florida
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Residen Evil: Extinction on Encore